Lindsay Lohan: I Want To Adopt My First Child

We are burning extra bundles of sage over our Lindsay Lohan shrines this morning because the poor thing just had the worst idea of her life. Let us gather in a circle and pray because…

She wants to adopt a baby.

The 26-going-on-39-year-old checked into a California rehab facility for a three-month sentence last week and it’s really got her thinking about her future.

The, hopefully, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, and distant future when she’s adopting babies.

“I love kids. But I want to adopt my first child, not just because it’s a trend or whatever, but I want to help a child and take one in have it be my own,” Lindsay said, in a report from Contactmusic.com.

“And then have some more myself…Either two or four.”

Traditionally, when someone adopts a child, it’s seen by society as taking that child out of troublesome circumstances and put in the care of a responsible, devoted and loving adult.

Considering this definition, perhaps Lindsay Lohan is the one who needs to be adopted.

And she has been. Her new mom is a woman named Betty Ford of whom she’s “ensconced in the bosom.”